Chapter on of my FICTIONAL/PARANORMAL book. I changed it around a little. is it good?

December 31, 2011 - 12:16 am 1 Comment

The alarm goes off, and my eyes open, only to find that it was already past 7:30
“OH MY GOSH! I’M GOING TO BE SOOOOOO late!”
I scurry around my room putting on random clothes. I run to the bathroom, grab a brush, and rip it through my fine, pale blonde hair. I grab a rubber band and tie my hair back into a pony tail. By the time I’m lacing up my boots, it’s 7:45. I grab a knife, shove it in my boot, grab my house keys, my necklace, my phone, my book bag, my binder, and run out the door. As soon as I locate my bike, I hop on and pedal as fast as I can toward school. But, I see this very strange looking man walking down the street. Silver white hair, black cloak, and he’s carrying a large, old, leather bound book. I find myself slowing down, so I start pedaling again.
I easily slip through the lousy security and metal detector, and walk onto the school property just in time to get to my locker and get to class. I settle back in my seat, getting ready for a normal, humdrum day. I look up, and see the strange man from that morning. Now that I can see him up closer, I can see that he has a small tattoo above his left eye, and his mouth is always twisted into a smirk. He sees me watching him. He laughs a high pitched laugh that sets the nerves on edge. It leaves my ears ringing, so I place my hands over my ears and put my head down on my desk. It muffles the loudness of my classmates chitchat. The strange man says something, then all of a sudden, the noise just STOPS. I sit straight up and try to see what he had done to my classmates.
“gaizkiaren espiritua, haur horien sakrifizio hau onartzea. laster, free izango duzu…” He is entrancing them with his book! I take a glance around the room, and see that along with myself, my best friends Kimmi, Katelyn, and Amy are the only ones not in a daze. They look utterly confused, but at least they aren’t living zombies. I look at the strange man, who seems completely absorbed in his chant, so I get on top of my desk, and get ready to launch myself towards the man.Luckily I have a second row seat, so there’s not too much space to go over. I figure that if I get the book away, my classmates will snap out of their trance. I position myself to launch myself using the momentum from my legs. I will leap, grab the book, tuck and roll, then throw the book out the window on my right. I go through the steps in my mind, and then actually jump. But something’s wrong. I am heading right where I aimed, but once I am 5 feet away, I travel sideways and smack into the whiteboard. I lay in a heap, and survey the room. I see Kimmi, Katelyn, and Amy trying desperately to rouse another good friend of ours, but to no avail. I crawl over and grab Kimmi’s leg.
She jumps three inches off the ground and says, “Gosh! You scared me!” Kimmi
“Kimkim, everything scares you” I whisper. I pull myself back up using the edge of the desk.
I grab Kimmi, Katelyn, and Amy and pull them behind the teacher’s desk.
“Ok, everyone, the plan is to beat the crap out of him and get the class out of that dude’s hold.”
“Ok Amanda, and how do you propose we do that?” Katelyn hisses.
“Let me see, I have a string, a fist sized rock, a stick knife that I made myself, a spare chain to lock my bike, a lock, and a battery.” I say as I lay out my weapons.
Kimmi shakes her long head of dark hair and says, “Of all days you choose to be clean of weapons, you chose today.”
“Wait, I think there’s something in my boot…” I pull out my steel throwing knife and add that to the pile.
“Amanda, still, you don’t have very good stuff today. Dude, you could do SO much better.” Amy sighs. “Let me see what I have.” She lays out a small metal flashlight, a pocketknife, and some gauze and ace wrap.
Katelyn laughs and says, “I’m better off than any of you!” She lays out four brass knuckles, a throwing knife, a rock, another chain, another lock, and a mini crowbar.
We all look at her in shock. I’m the first one to break the silence.
“Katelyn! Since when do you carry weapons?!” I ask a little loudly.
She replies, “When you got your butterfly knife taken away by the principal because you threatened a sevie with it. I figured that you’d need backup weapons when you got into a fight or something. Plus, I see you walk right past the retarded security guards and the cheap metal detector when you’re LOADED with weapons. It’s easy to bring the weapons in without being noticed.” She smirks and twirls a pair of brass knuckles on her finger.
I lean over and hug her. “Katelyn, this is why you are one of my closest friends. You know me so well!”
Amy breaks the hug by saying, “Amanda! Dude! We have some weird guy out there bewitching our classmates here! It kinda sorta needs immediate attention!”
“Oh, right. Ok, someone attach the locks to the chains, everyone take brass knuckles, Amy and Katelyn, you get the chains, I’ll carry the medical stuff in my book bag. I’ll take my throwing knives. Kimmi, take the stick knife and pocket knife. Whatever is left, put in the bag!” I slip one knife into m
into my boot,and the other into my belt, then put the brass knuckles onto my right hand.
I poke my head over the top of the desk. What I see almost makes me scream, but I bite my hand to keep it in.

Btw, the chants are in Basque.

Also, this school is almost EXACTLY like my school. The security and metal detectors are pieces of crap, so its easy to sneak weapons in.

I thought it was pretty good, but personally, I prefer books that start out a little slower, and give some background to the novel. Overall, I kept wanting to read it, it didn’t bore me. It definitely got my attention, though, when the girls started to take out weapons. I was thinking "Wait, what kind of school is this? Where survival of the fittest turns to survival of the fittest with most weapons?"

I would like to read more though. It seems interesting.

One Response to “Chapter on of my FICTIONAL/PARANORMAL book. I changed it around a little. is it good?”

  1. Alyssa Says:

    I thought it was pretty good, but personally, I prefer books that start out a little slower, and give some background to the novel. Overall, I kept wanting to read it, it didn’t bore me. It definitely got my attention, though, when the girls started to take out weapons. I was thinking "Wait, what kind of school is this? Where survival of the fittest turns to survival of the fittest with most weapons?"

    I would like to read more though. It seems interesting.
    References :

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